My 2015 List O'mania

How I entered 2015... (It's a chili, not a... ) 

I love lists, it’s fun, get my act together lists, shopping and reflections. And ending my year with a list is what I feel called to do. 

Tv-series: Transparent. I love this series, it’s raw, funny, tests our sexual boundaries and stigmas. I have watched a shit load of series this year. We don’t have a TV package or channels, so we choose what we want to watch. Quality and quantity... I also really liked, Penny Dreadful, 

Highlight: Family. I have spent years checking out if the grass really is greener on the other side, searching for my purpose -  what I wanted to do. But Welcoming Eivy into the world, also brought me to a deeper devotion to this family life. It can be a no no to talk openly about the ambivalent feelings of motherhood, but they are there, have been stronger and this year I feel myself settling into it more. It is a transition.

Movie: I am a sucker for late 80’s early 90’s action movies, seriously I could watch Die Hard a few times a year and still feel entertained. A movie I really enjoyed this year was Life of Pi. But laughed hard when I watched The Neighbors… (yes I know…) Watched the latest movie about the Yes Men and other really awesome documentaries. But not overly intellectual. 

Learning: I stress and act out of panic too often. Which is why Focus is my word for 2016. 

Body: Well…

Party: As I was pregnant for most of 2015 I haven’t partied a lot but I have been to a few birthdays that were fun. Ok, I will go with no, on this one, I have enjoyed chill out time this year. 

Pet peeve: People who ask for medical (urgent) advice on Facebook… Also not big on the word juicy when referring to content. 

Illness’: This has been the year of vomit for the entire family, I would like to kindly ask that 2016 - not so much. Thank you. 

Celebration: I leave 2015 a lot more content, happy and hopeful than I entered it. This is huge, my inner angry ass woman seems to have mellowed a little. 

Online: Met some amazing women in circles and courses and so pleased I have. This Online thing can actually bring true connection. Also the retreat where I danced for a weekend - I want more of that come 2016. 

Off-line: My road trip to Sweden with Lilli, we both needed that alone time. 

Fear: That I would never lift up from what has felt like another rock bottom at times. I can say it has, I have lifted. And also know that there can be many rock bottoms in life. 

Laugh: The instagram #whymychildiscrying 

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This video… https://www.facebook.com/realsamiford/videos/903627999706566/

Drink: herbal nettle tea and am looking forward to my first Mojito on new years. 

Love: Seeing my 3 girls all together for the first time. It was amazing and a laugh that Nola found the baby totally overrated when she noticed her belly button - why does she have a snail #gross

Body vol. 2: ok actually I grew a person inside my body this year, and that is pretty wild. I am amazed what the body can do and heal, even though I haven’t been digging the look of it. Also I get body love and worked with it myself. But every change is a new thing to embrace, and my body has changed a lot after having 3 kids.

Interview with Zero Waste Queen Bea Johnson

I have been sniffing around Zero Waste for a year now. Making a few changes, becoming more and more aware of how I shop, run the household, run my business and what changes can we make. But actually the first step for us, was becoming mindful of how much we actually waste. This meant that we started to recycle EVERYTHING we possibly could. 

It is crazy the amount we were throwing away - and now taking to the recycling station. Before one tiny garbage bag at a time didn't seem like is was all that much. After putting in the time and effort to see the amount of trash we generated, well it really brought our attention to our waste. It fueled this journey for us even further. 

Some think it is wildly cool, others focus more on all that we are NOT doing. Even more people just think we are way off on a hippie granola woo woo train. And hey so am I - it's a process, it takes a lot longer than I thought to change our habits, but also how hard it is in a society that isn't geared to waste less.

One thought though, I can't agree that caring for our environment is solely a hippie thang... We can all take different actions.

I will be blogging a lot about our journey toward less waste. Our first steps and also the frustrations e.g. when we can't find veg that isn't wrapped in plastic etc. 

It won't be a share to make anyone feel guilty, I am sick of judging, and I know that pointing fingers rarely does anything other than piss people off. I do however hope that some of this may inspire others to what they could do in their home to create less waste and take care of our precious planet. 

Before I get into my journey, I want to share an interview I did with the woman who inspired me- Please meet Be a Johnson the author of "Zero Waste Home", she a first mover and front runner of inspiring people to a zero waste life style. 

She shares her 5 R's and how you can begin to take action today. 

I hope you enjoy her words of wisdom. 

Top 5 differences between 1st and 3rd pregnancy...

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Fear…

During the first pregnancy, fear of all sorts was at the top of the list. I was very worried that my poor vagina would explode as the baby entered the world. I sat in almond oil baths for hours and spent loads of time on Google making sure that I was doing everything I could to prevent my womanhood being ruined.

I was scared what birth would do to me, and so unsure I would manage without all the drugs in the world. I spent hours reading about birthing while biting my fingernails. 

2nd birth home birth, I loved it. Very detailed planning and wanting. 

This time is a planned home birth and we are yet to have the plan made… Everyone keeps asking, so are you ready? Yeah sure, we still have a few days until it all goes down.

Poop and scars…

When going through birth prep classes one woman mentioned that you can poop as the baby pushes down and that an enema was an option to avoid this. Ew gross, I spent a lot of time wondering how our sex life would ever survive a situation like that. Wouldn’t you know, I didn’t give a shit (haha) during the actual pushing phase. Don’t even know if anything like that happened. 

Stretch marks: I did not want a roadmap of scars shattering my bikini bod… that was until I remembered that I have rarely put a bikini on. Also I kind of like how they tell the story of pregnancy and giving birth to, so far, 2 children. 3rd child, well it’s already stretched eh. 

Impatience…

1st time around I was ready to give birth after 6 months, come on already… This time not so much. I have things to do and sleep to be had. All is well and she can arrive 2 weeks late if she wants. I just would like to demand the right to not get up the last 3-4 weeks. 

I am so lucky that my kids and man are totally on board with that… not. 

Equipment…

I downloaded lists, and spent money on so many “essentials” during the first pregnancy. What!? How can you be a good parent without this plastic thing I don’t know how to use? The mag clearly said it WASN’T an add, and that you couldn’t get by without it. Well, wouldn’t you know, the best toy in the world was a cardboard box, and the baby grew out of all of it in a day or two anyway. 

This time… “babe, can you get the pram out of the shed”, “sure”… cool, done. 

Documentation…

I looked through old scrapbooks, and smiled at the photos of my baby bump and how it grew hour by hour for 9 months the 1st time around, and how we made sure to have me smiling like a loon at the camera, so we wouldn’t ever forget this awesome time. We had the test and everything there. 

This time I had to get the camera out in a panic, “shit, 8 months pregnant already, I don’t have a single picture of me or the belly”. Sorry little new baby girl, we love you just as much. But the dog ate the external hard drive with ALL of the photos from the pregnancy and your childhood…

Things that are the same. 

The man… 

I, just as I did the first time, wake up in the middle of the night (for hours). With struggle, I roll over to look at the dad, who is snoring. Sip a little water to control the heartburn, frown and think to myself - asshole, you did this to me, how can you just sleep through the night like nothing and here I am in bits from no sleep, kicks to the bladder and a throat on fire. 

Next morning, I look at him and think wow, what a miracle we are having another baby, and how lucky are we, I love him… #hormones

Excitement…

I cannot wait to meet her, to sniff her head and welcome her into our family with all that, that is. With everything said, I do have a tingle in my body, as I did with the oldest and a growing love for this little being. I however am a little older, a little more experienced, and a little more aware of the fact that I know nothing about how this birth will change our life. 

When you are ready, so are we.  

xo Mom

What to do when you wake up and the dog shits on your mood…

This morning I woke up, the birds were singing, the kids were quiet, my man was snoring a little less than earlier that night, and the sun peeked through the trees outside my window.

All in all, pure bliss, until my pregnant super sonic sense of smell picked up on something odd and I remembered all the to do’s, and what happened at 3am…

Cut to the night before…

We had given the dog a proper bone. Norma was busy for 3 hours with the thing, and we had the couch to ourselves - bonus. But as a parent staying up passed 9.30pm it too hard, I was tired and kissed my man goodnight and went to bed to read “The Alchemist”. 

I started to nod off after 2 pages (I am thinking that maybe the life changing experience of reading the book, will never happen at that pace). I gave in and went to sleep. 

3am I wake up because the two year old was screaming 2 inches from my face, that she couldn't find her teddy. It took me about 15 minutes on all 4's, naked, in the dark, without my glasses on, to find her teddy. Emergency over. Goodnight. 

4am; elbowed the man as the snoring was out of this world - don’t lie on your BAAAAAAAACK. 

Cut back to this morning… 

So the dog and the bone!

Super sonic pregoo nose. 

Something is wrong. In all the beauty of this morning glory, the oder of dog shit was outrages. Please no. I am not cleaning it up - I can’t. I feel sick. I woke him up, begging him to take care of it only to get a super annoyed reply “It will be there in 30 minutes, now go back to sleep”. 

For the next 30 minutes I breathed through my mouth. Shifting between gagging and drifting off.

Luckily he was my hero and cleaned, what turned out to cover most of the living room floor, up - so gross. Note to self, don’t buy that kind of bone again. 

But the shit stuck to my mood and I spent an hour staring angry at the wall. 

My medicine for starting the day like this is to make a nice cup of tea, and take a moment to do nothing. If I wasn’t pregnant maybe it would be a morning mojito. 

Before I go outside with my cup of tea, I wish you a jolly good day.

Oh, glory the times you only crack yourself up

So recently (yesterday) I was interviewing a woman I really admire. It was late at night, full moon, Mercury in Retrograde (what else are we blaming at the moment??) oh yeah, I’m pregnant and had just watched a show about antiques that was an hour long, but could have been a 15 minute ride if they had left out the 13 duuh duuuuhmmmm’s. So clearly, in retrospective I hadn't set myself up for a wam bam of an interview.

We got on the call and I went blank. Oh oh… then I messed up the introduction. You know the feeling when, as you are talking, your brain is going “Noooooo wrap it up”, but your mouth continues?

Getting past it, with somehow evolving my dialect into a thick accent of some kind, I started to warm up a little. I decided to half ass a joke about me messing up the intro and then nothing… only me laughing hard about my own fuck up. My upper lip started to sweat and I am sure I saw someone sneaking around outside the window, the dog farted and I went back into blank mode.

Disaster. 

Most of which is going on in my head. I am sure she sensed something a little off, but nothing compared to the titanic of a melt down going on across cyberspace. 

Picking up today I have contemplated quite a few excuses as to why the interview won’t go live. But why? Too shameful to show the imperfect nature, that is me? Scared she thinks I am a total loon. Scared that you can hear the dog farting in the interview and that people will think it was me? 

Knowing, as there always is, someone will send me an email about how I could really bring it to the next level with 1 of 15 proven steps to being more professional, controlled, closer to 6 figures or what have we. 

Moving past that, it will be going live. It was real and I am making a commitment to not polishing off the sides of life that happen to all of us, just because they are horrifically unsexy. 

I am ordinary and owning it…