Come Spring and Self-Sufficient Success. (Copy)

Last year I tried this thing on going *big* with the blogging. I think I took a dive into it with an off-start point, as I don’t enjoy writing advice and how-tos. I like writing about life, not so much to inspire the masses, but as happens to many I know, things process in a different way through writing, talking and sharing. 

One of the reasons why I enjoy circle work so much, is because things process differently in a setting like that. Where we aren’t there to deliver, put up a show, or put on a mask; it’s a different way of relating to self and others. 

So sitting down here at the computer, I am relating to this in a new way. Many have asked why I don’t blog about life here in the forest. Or show what we do and choices we’ve made. It never really stuck with me … why would that be interesting? However over the past few months I have begun to feel a desire to share a bit more. Realizing, I guess, that we are doing a lot of cool things here. 

My beautiful sister has been my communications woman for a month and she also got the inspiration stirring. So here we go. Attempt number 14 to find a way of creating a blog presence that feels creative and interesting to write. 

Spring here has been a tease for a few weeks. Are you coming? Nope not yet. Patience, people of the north. And there has been a weird energy in the people around me, and myself included, of wanting to get things rolling, and still not feeling fully capable to gain momentum. I’ve felt a long take off ramp is ready and yet my body hasn’t been willing to unfold in the pace that I’ve set things up for. 

Sorting seeds and checking in with the ones I harvested and fermented last year. 

But this weekend it was as if it finally clicked into place and we put on warm clothes and fled into the garden. We got the seeds out, trying to plan what we would like to grow this year. And more importantly, where. 

One of the biggest lessons has been - PLAN - and be realistic in our ambitions. I once was told that after 5 years of getting this self-sufficient lifestyle going, you will have made enough mistakes to begin a route to success. It feels like we may need a little more…

I have a good feeling about this year and our harvest adventure. 

This is what our first real spring garden looks like - mud and more mud. We got most of the early veg ready and have it in a warm(er) space and hopefully we will begin to see little green heads popping out of there soon. 

We’ve had success with onions, potatoes, zucchini, strawberries, cucumber, tomatoes, lettuce, herbs, peppers, garlic, rocket and beans. So this is where we are starting. Hoping to add some cabbages, squash, pumpkin and leeks this year. Cross your fingers. :)

Our idea is that guests at the *Forest Retreat House* can enjoy going out and fetching greens for their dinner. I will write about this space soon. It's an adventure for sure!!! 

Love
Carina

Bleeding sustainably...

Most women are beginning to notice the rise in women owning their blood. Some find it over the top, gross, something that should continue to be private and toned down. 

Others, me included, find the power in knowing how my cycle influences me throughout the month. And more so how my way of living influences my cycle. It is our feedback system if we dare to listen. It tells a lot. And whether you feel like claiming it publicly or not, I can only recommend beginning to explore your cycle. 

This is not only the bleeding time, but the full cycle from pre ovulation all the way around to the days you bleed. 

Tuning into emotions, mood, physical sensation, energy. In this post I share a little more on tracking your cycle. Take a read…

For this post I wanted to bring attention to the less-waste approaches I’ve made when it comes to my cycle. 

It is very simple actually, I stopped buying pads, tampons (only used those when I was a teen) and have invested in 6 fabric pads and a luna cup. That is all I use. 

It is easy. I have a little wet bag for used pads. Wash them with towels etc. No smell or a bloody mess… haha. 

But the thing that brings me true joy is what it saves me money wise and Earth wise. 

The Numbers

Meet Jaluna Red ;) . She’s 50 and just had her last period. She had her first when she was 12. She has 2 children and with both kids her cycle began again 10 months after giving birth. 

The past 2 years her cycle has been a little irregular.  So taking all of this into calculation, she has had around 408 bleeds in her life time. 

Jaluna used to bleed 5 days on average and used 4-5 pads or tampons a day. (You can do your own calculation. I have 3 girls so I will experience fewer.) 

Jaluna has used a whopping 8160 pads/tampons in those years!! That’s a lot going down the drain or in the trash! 

She used a common brand, non organic etc. 1 pad cost her around 20cents.* So in her life time she spends roughly 1600USD on pads/tampons alone.

It’s a lot really. 

My calculation
So let’s say I have to buy three cups in my bleeding years. Each cup lasts around 10years = 17USD per cup.

And then 3x 6 cloth pads (those who can make them themselves can save even more) = 25USD for a 6pack.

All together it has cost me roughly 126USD with the zero waste version. 

A lot of math, but worth doing! 

So there are a few motivation pointers to look at when it comes to choosing what you use. And more and more are coming up: underwear was recently launched for example, so you don’t need any of the options above, sponges and more. 

Glancing at these numbers it gives me the sense of the scale of our choices. 

Little me may not make a big difference… we think. But let’s say that I get 4 friends to join me. We’ve already saved the world from 32640 pads/tampons. Each of those 4 inspires 4 more etc. and all of the sudden we are making an impact. 

Numbers will vary no doubt. Cost will vary no doubt. But the amount of trash we generate continues to rise. Where it goes. What it means to our Earth will also be discussed, for me my consumption and consumer habits is in my power and worth looking at 1 million *little me* actions is no longer insignificant! 

I hope that this post will inspire you to do your research and what is out there, and maybe find a way to bring the number down of what we throw away or flush out into our water. 

With Love
Cx

For inspiration on zero waste action in your business check out this post... 

*I ran it through Google and these are prices on average in Europe. See links below. It will vary from country to country. But the amount of pads being thrown away is the same, regardless of the price. 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01AFMJMPQ/ref=sspa_dk_detail_2?pd_rd_i=B01AFMJMPQ&pd_rd_wg=pX95O&pd_rd_r=MQ44JXCKV8B8PQZHRFZ7&pd_rd_w=0Looe&th=1

https://menstrualcupreviews.net/go/MeLuna-Main

First steps to my Zero Waste Business.

I have talked a bit about zero waste and how much I love this movement that is happening around the Globe. My interview with Bea Johnson kicked it off for me. 

Some say climate change is bull. Others claim that ditching wrapping won’t change anything anyway. Others preach that plastic helps the fight against food waste. And as with everything else, people have opinions and we don’t all agree. 

I do believe that I make the changes I can with what I have, this doesn’t mean you do the same as me. Maybe just feel inspired to take a look at the steps that resonate with you. 

Reducing my waste and CO2 trail makes so much sense. 

In the beginning of 2017 I declared this to be a buy-nothing-new. I haven’t - well that’s not true; I bought a bra. But I need mine specially made so that was a ‘had to’ to save my back. And twice something dropped into my basket at the store that was a thing, not food, and I wasn’t really thinking. So in 5+ months, 3 new things have been purchased - I say that is doing pretty good. 

An area where I have had to really make some choices and consider how to go about it, is with my business. How do I reduce waste in this area? 

Because clearly I HAD to have business cards, handouts, manuals, cd’s, flyers, prints for my bookkeeping, postcards, magnets, notes and the list is long. 

Especially business cards and flyers. Thinking about what I do with the ones I receive, it just no longer made sense to have my own. They go in the bin… 

When reminding myself of the enormous amount - of all of the above - I have thrown away, it seemed there was room for improvement. 

So I no longer order or print: 

• Business cards

• Flyers

• Postcards

• Magnets

• Hand-outs

• Manuals

• Cd’s (yeah who does that anyway... in our house we still dedicate a wall to this ancient thang)

That’s a huge amount of paper no longer coming in through my business. Not to mention money saved. I offer PDF’s. People can print them if they want or just write the points that matter in their journal etc. 

When I do print, I use the back side of my daughter’s school print outs (there’s enough to keep a few businesses running). My mom is a teacher and they print out piles of stuff for their students and often too many copies - she brings them home for me and I use those. 

Is there room to do more - sure. For a giant first step, I am pleased. I am implementing other things such as using recycled packaging to send out the herb products - that’s for another post. 

I know some will roll their eyes and think Jesus, a few flyers never hurt anyone. 

Well let’s play with some numbers: 

In Denmark alone there are around 125.000 solo businesses (2012) and that number is higher today. 

Let’s say each one of them buys 300 business cards and 500 flyers (what I did the first few years) that = 10.0000000 bits of paper are ending up in the garbage at some point and just for a one-off glance. Now bring that to a Global scale… phew, I wouldn't know how to calculate that. 

And this is not even counting the huge corporations. 

It no longer feels irrelevant to me. 

Fun fact - the business didn’t die out from the lack of exposure… Facebook, Instagram, talking to real people, fucking up and having wins have kept the wheels turning. 

Is this right for you. Maybe not, maybe flyers are the only way you feel you can get the word out. But are there other ways you can reduce your waste in your business? 

Would love to hear your ideas and thoughts. <3

My inner nature... on tracking your cycle. (Copy)

One of my teachers once said ‘we can’t begin to understand, save or connect with nature, before we connect to our own’. Maybe a little mis-quoted, but this is my take away. Thank you Laila. 

This has been so true in my own practice. 

I have always felt connected to the wild though… I was born into the icy winds of the North. Fell in love with the mountains in Scotland. Teared up in the dangerous woods in Bosnia. And moved to the countryside in Denmark, which may not be as in-your-face breathtaking as the Rockies, but I am learning more and more each day from this gentle wilderness. 

But seeing myself as wild, as part of the un-graspable cycle of nature, never penetrated the surface.  

Until pregnancy. Until birth. Until I began to discover the power of my cycle. Until I became aware, really aware, of the force within that wasn’t in my control. It lived in me, but in many ways, a slightarrogance led me to believe that I was in charge… of everything. 

Growing and birthing a human and beginning to track my monthly cycle crafted me a new set of spectacles. This body is such a magical thing; not just a simple container to be unsatisfied with. 

And yes we know, we heard, the body mind thing. But it’s a meer tip of the iceberg. Getting intimate with my period, moon time, my monthly has uncovered a feedback system, like a truth coming from kids, drunk people and your cycle. It will tell you when something is up. We just need to listen. 

This is my invitation to you to - if never again - track your cycle for 3 months. 

You can use apps on your phone, but for this first 3 months I recommend you print out the Moon time track sheet (you can download it for free when you sign up here). Using the printable rather than an app gives you an easier overview. 

As you fill out the sheet over the next few months, certain patterns may begin to become clear: 

• certains emotions at certain times
• cravings
• moodswings
• sex drive
• energy levels 
• days when everyone is driving you nuts
• days when nothing can beat you down
• creativity
• and and and

There is A LOT to write, share, say. But this is where it begins. As the lovely ladies at RedSchool call it: Menstrual Cycle Awareness (MCA). This is where it begins to unfold. Just how intelligent, sensitive and responsive the body is. How the changes in us each month become our allies and not the shit that gets in the way. It resonates when the same wise women refer to it as our inbuilt spiritual practice. 

I see patterns in me be mirrored in the seasons outside. I see how this isn’t inclusive to me. But the cycle happens all around me. I see that there is the monthly cycle, the seasons, the life cycle, the night and day and how each have their teachings. 

I feel a follow up post in the near future. For now download the track sheet and each day (or as often as you can) make note of: 

• emotions
• body
• energy
• mood
• and what ever you feel is relevant

It doesn’t have to go all *dear dairy*; make it short and doable. 

Can’t wait to hear what comes up for you. <3

Day 9: What Mindfulness teaches me...

As a part of this challenge, and feeling challenged with it. I began to clean and clear out my computer. I found an essay I was asked to do for my 2nd mindfulness teacher training 3 years ago. 

It was just after my grandmother passed and I wasn't in the academia mindset. But I re-read what I wrote and thought it still fits like a glove. 

This is my response to the question Mark and Martin (our teachers) asked. 

What does it mean to teach with integrity and depth - for me. 

1st assignment Mindfulness TT. 

I had to go back and do this over. The past months have been filled with death and family issues that have taken me back to old stories patterns and anger. The past few days intensifying that and I felt like telling mindfulness to go fuck itself. Which is essential for me in how I can teach. 

I take it as a sign that as I sit a write this, the mist is so thick outside that I can’t see the house across the street. I feel a little clouded and this is my exploration of that. This is a step deeper into practice, teaching and how I define that for myself. 1500 words may fall short or turn out to be way too many... we will see.      

I am sorry for the delay.

Taking the seat or showing up these days is painful. It hurts. Rumination and self-pitty battle with wanting things to be different. Taking the seat is like forcing myself to re-live the grief from old stories and bliss seems to await in crappy TV shows and stuffing my face. And I have asked myself many times why would I want to put myself through that again. 

As it spins into a cycle, a dog chasing it’s own tale, what is my practice? In the light of this essay and training - is it mindfulness? No. And then again what is mindfulness. 

Even after years with a (mindfulness) practice I still don’t fully know what it is. It is a concept, an idea, a practice that is so many things that a one word label seems off. It creates resistance because I can’t grasp it, I don’t know it. 

So to get past being stuck on the word, what it has represented, the value or lack of, I have had to find a way of describing the meaning that feels aligned with me.

Showing up makes sense to me. Showing up means meeting my experience. Showing up means I am not trying to be the Dalai Lama, I am not aiming for enlightenment, it gives me breathing room and space for awareness. I don’t feel obliged to look like I have been touched by an angel or rebel against all of the above. The sense of showing up, opens me up allows me to be exactly as I am. I feel free’er. 

I have always been good at adapting language, dialects, styles. When setting down this route, that talent was very visible when it came to teaching. Following a teacher and finding my own style in that process didn’t come natural - to me. The more I taught, the more I was evaluated and the further I feel I have come from the integrity and depth of my own practice. Resistance builded and calling myself a teacher felt like a load of Bull Shit. I was an actor not a teacher. 

To begin to explore what teaching is I feel I should look at how I define a teacher - a master of mindfulness. The alter ego. The pruity of awareness and insight. Shoulder shrug - how the hell do you “live up to that”? A different approach is to look at what I feel a teacher is to me.

The last evening at Sharpham brought that forward. Not in your talks or meditations, but when we danced and you both joined. A teacher for me is someone who shows up, let’s go and moves. I am truly inspired by stories. By people who can let loose in a group. When I can feel their presence with me body and not my mind. That is what teaches me. 

If I could write out a wish list of what would to bring forward as a teacher it would be trust, letting go of wanting to fix, taking the seat, tapping into my own experience and letting go of what I want to be in that chair. 

And this is where I am stuck. I am in tears by my computer and I feel I am pushing myself too hard. My mind is with my grandmother and if I was to take any of my own advice that I would give to a student it would be to listen to that. Taking care of what is important and present is more important than trying to be good. 

I would allow myself to go home, crawl under the covers and feel through the sense of loss. Being held by my partner and drinking tea. I would allow myself to let go of shoulds and tasks and show up for what is here within me. I would move my body and connect to what body is in that moment. 

Because regardless of any agenda I as a teacher might have had, sensing what is here is essential. 

And yet I am not, I am trying to be a good student and get shit done. 

I am turning in these words with no clear direction no fine moral or punch-line. But for the past 2 days this is what depth and integrity meant to me.

Day 6: The 3's in my life.. (Copy)

3 girls. Lilli, Nola, Eivy, 7, 4, 1. My little pack. 
My wonders and my worries. My challenges and my smiles. The shitty diapers and the outfit picking hell each morning (the 1 year old included…)
The hugs and kisses. The missing teeth and gum in long tangly hair. The tears and victories. The pain of girl friendships and managing being a parent among other parents (not my fav). Colorful drawings and clay-blob-things.
And a heart that expands beyond what I thought was possible. 

With them came 3 births. These stories are powerful. 1 very challenging hospital birth, 1 home birth, 1 planned home birth gone hospital. Each had elements that needed working through and each brought a healthy beautiful child into this world. I want to talk more about birth stories in a later post. They stick with us. My mother in law gave birth to my man 38 years ago and that story still has its effect on her. Birth’s matter. Trauma of birth is real, even if the outcome is one of joy. 

The 3 pregnancies. I loved it. Being pregnant. Would do it again if I could stomach the thought of no sleep. But I really really REALLy can’t. No sleep has been torture beyond belief. I don’t know who I‘ve been the past 4 years. ZZZZZombie doesn’t cut it. 

3 dogs I’ve had in my life. One as a kid. Crazy Frida. I still have scars. And then our little gang of English bulldogs; Harvey and Norma. My man’s dream, not mine. I am learning to love them and the mess they make. Their smell not so much. 

And anything else I could think of came in larger numbers. I can’t find anymore 3’s. 

I have lived in 4 countries. Moved 20+ times in my life. Gone to 11 schools. Had 15+ different jobs. 1 love (Stig is reading). 4 siblings. 2 cars. 17 bikes. 1 of them stolen. 

But all good things come in 3’s and my list feels like proof of that. 

Prompt for January 7th: A tribute to…

Day 5: What she says (Copy)

I have a girl crush on this woman. I also have 3 girls. I am saying what she says... 

I also want to do spoken word when I grow up. 

January 6th prompt: The 3’s in my life

Day 4: What I listen to... (Copy)

I dig podcasts. I used to do my own show. Thinking that I may start a new show someday. When I jump in my sanctuary - MY CAR - podcasts educate me, teach me stuff and tell me stories from far away places. I’ll just rest here for a moment, because I do find myself volunteering to drive anywhere and everywhere these days. I love driving on my own and it is a place where I truly have a second to myself. And I’m ok with that.

Do you know the feeling? 

I’ve been a mom now for nearly 8 years, and in those years my concentration level has gone down the drain. Reading happens in bite size portions and books like to spread themselves over several years… so I really get value for money. Podcasts offer a great in between.

When I get in my car and flutter open my ears, my blood pressure drops and I feel relaxed. This can’t happen with the kids on a drive along. They booooh me until sweet music fills ‘er up. 

So what podcasts do I enjoy. HA. I was thinking maybe saving this for the guilty pleasure post, but I have enough material for that one too. So here it goes. 

My 3 go to podcasts. 

Woolful… A knitting podcast, but so much more. A lot of episodes about people who work with sheep. I’m crying laughing as I read this because it sounds so fucking strange. But it is such an inspiring podcast. Instant calm and inspired for how I want to live my everyday life. 

Love, sex, desire… The more I work with women and myself, the more I feel intrigued to learn more about my own sexuality and pleasure. Susana interviews a lot of cool people, although most of them are in Australia. Am searching for similar podcast with teachers closer to DK. I ask for a host that doesn’t get too kittenish, I know that would be a problem for me. Suggestions? 

Living Homegrown… When we left the city and moved out here this self sufficient business was a big motivation factor. And we are well on our way. We have learned a lot from our mistakes and this year pretty on top of the plan. Theresa brings on guests from around the World and also people who are farming etc. in the North, which is relevant to us. Any anxiety about the World, War or Trump fades away when I listen to this podcast. ;)  

So I know if any my friends are reading this they are screaming that I need help. I would love your inspiration. Which podcasts do you listen to? 

And prefer the ones that dive into nature, women’s health, homesteading, sex. 

Hit me. <3

Prompt for January 5th: What she says... 

Day 3: Dragons (Copy)

The original prompt was *Your little dragon is misbehaving*… Hmmm, well the tone between the adults in the house has been lingering in the dirty mind realm and I couldn’t get my mind past the tackiness... I downsized to dragons. 

What do I know about dragons - not much. Stig (my partner) taught me to watch and enjoy fantasy movies. But the love is only a few years deep. And to be honest I don't seem to have the stamina or concentration to really understand that category of films - or what the dragon is all about. 

I could only think of the dragon from 'The Never Ending Story' and remember how mesmerized I was by it's weird bubbly back. The next one was 'Puff the Magic Dragon' and how sad I felt when we were forced to sing it in school. 

Skipping past that. 
Where do you go with Dragons. The above felt too irrelevant. Contemplating the practice of exercising my creativity and embarking on the a post a day, this was exactly what I was wanting. Where do I go? 

A wise man said this: 

““I believe in everything until it’s disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now?” ”

— John Lennon

I am a dreamer. My man is the realist. I am also the one with the most nightmares. A dreaded part of my wild imagination. My nightmares stole my attention, most of my life. Jailed in my mind. But "dragons" existed in the realest sense. And that has been the hardest to explain to people around me. 

My work has been allowing my dreams to live in fertile soil. 

The other thing dragon calls on is strength and courage. Own the shit. This creature shows up so timely. Own the story. Question what you call reality. Let your creativity be explored. 

Do you believe in Dragons? 

Prompt January 4th: What I listen to... 

Day 2: I buy... nothing new (Copy)

So it seems 2017 will become the year of challenges, in a good and fun way. Pushing me out of the comfort of the usual. Good!

As 2016 came to an end, my mom offered a challenge for 2017. A year of buying nothing new. 

I accepted. 

But what does that even mean? 

A few years ago I interviewed Bea Johnson (listen to that interview here), she is the Queen of Zero Waste and author of the book Zero Waste home (2013). 

I was interested in the environment and my impact on it. How could I change the way I live to have less of a negative impact. 

I have a post coming up about Zero Waste later, so I won’t get into that. But this interest has led me, and my mom, to the 2017 buy nothing new. 
In our house, we have A LOT of stuff. Things we need, things forget we have, don’t use, don’t need. 

There is a tendency to buy more of all the stuff, and dump it in a cupboard and then it just sits there until I go nuts and declutter. 

I have never been a huge shopper, but even so - things sneak in. 

This isn’t just a money saving ordeal. I really want to explore how much stuff and needs dominate my life. And if this can be liberating to eliminate from our day to day hustle. 

What does this challenge consist of? 

• I won’t be buying anything new for 2017, no electronics, clothes, thingies, kitchen gear (even mason jars… arghhh)
• If people want to give me presents (I love presents…), I ask for experiences or something used
• I can buy things from thrifts stores, friends, yard sales, DBA and trend sales and places like these. 
• I can buy food… no brainer… But will by as locally as I can, organic 
• Toiletries - well the essentials and will commit myself to buying the ones that don’t come in plastic. 
• Cleaning products, in bulk from LØSmarket
• And more on plastic, I will do what I can to find the non plastic-warped foods etc. But this will be impossible in some cases. But the intention is clear - as little plastic as possible. 
• No free samples, these are also new, highly wasteful and most often not really needed
• Hauling out the sewing machine and repairing what I can, before tossing it out
• Books… I have a book fetish, which means I have shelves of books I haven’t read yet. Also the library is amazing, I can get any book I need here. So no books this year. 
• Art supplies… I have enough at the moment to last me a life time. But I will be using them I’ve decided. 
• Courses… the online ones. Not really that wasteful. But an area where I have spent SOOOO much money. I signed up for many I haven't completed and I don’t need more to not finish. So 2017 I will not buy any online courses. I can do live workshops though. 

These are the basics. As life continues I'm sure questions, needs, demands will arise. So I will do status posts now and then throughout the year. 

Do I think this will be easy, not at all. Even though I don’t consider myself a big spender, I think I will be shocked by how often I have gone to store off- and online to scratch the shopper itch. 

So here’s to as little breaking in 2017 as possible. ;)

Do you want to take on the challenge of buying nothin new in 2017? Throw a link to your post in the comments. 

More inspiration on the topic. 

http://robgreenfield.tv/nothingnew/https://youtu.be/2krmmZ-690A

https://youtu.be/2krmmZ-690A

Prompt for January 3rd: Dragons

Day 1... a pledge and a quest (Copy)

This photo pretty much sums it up... 

Goodbye 2016 and thank f*** you’re over. Nothing else I’d like to add to the amount of reflective posts about the year that just ended. But I welcome 2017 with hope, excitement and determination. YOU? 

I am a tad hung over as I write this. No proofreading done, as Emma my star is probably doing what I dream I could today… So you get the unedited version today. 

Well, I have made a decision. One to see if this blog thing is dead. Over. Done. Or can it come to life when perspective is changed. Can I find the joy of feeling my fingers play on the keyboard, like a piano. 

See the thing is that ‘business’ kind of killed my joy of writing. The era of how to posts strangled the creative string in me. All the good advice - or at least advice - on how things would lift off for me if I just followed the script. Telling people how to do shit in 5-10 easy steps. I gulped it all, wanting to succeed. But I don’t know easy, and am not good on advice. I may dish it out if asked, but always more of a this is what I did reply. Which means I have shared nada the past few years. 

It blocked me from showing the unpolished me. Resistance bricked a pretty solid wall. 

But can I do business without the brilliant post that will separate me from the pack, and let me shine like an expert. Well we will see. I hope not though. Expert I am not. Explorer at best. And plain old ordinary me always. Of course I can… right? 

What does this have to do with my line of work? Nothing maybe, possibly everything. Because I am uncovering stories, bits and pieces of the construction that is my life. All the weird odds and ends. And I know that I will learn a few things about myself along the way. 

This project, or challenge if you will, is a personal exploration. What can I uncover? What will my mind create. Where and to what depth will it run if I write a post a day, from a prompt that has nothing really to do with what I do in my life. It is no self help prompt, no earth wise, women thang. 

I chose a book and took the pledge and on December 31st 2017 we will see what became of it. Will I run dry? Will I write myself alive. Will I share with you the unspoken within me, or will I get to January 20th and have nothing else to say. Who knows. That will be the fun part. My blog will not go on a quest to save anyone with tips and tricks. I don’t know if anyone will read or care. 

There is the opportunity for you to join me. I will share the upcoming prompt each day. 

Come back here and share the link to you post in the comments and we could get quite the blogroll going. Doesn’t matter if it’s in Danish or English join in. No demand for you to join in daily. But would be great to read the stories uncovered for you. 

It could bring back the blogging greatness. Letting our stories be revealed and the inspiration that drips from them. 

The unknown feels exciting. Maybe it will inspire you do go on a quest. 

A post a day keeps the doctor away. I will be back tomorrow. 

January 2nd prompt: I buy with my little eye… (I totally made this one up as I have something to share about it… HA!)

It's that time of year again... (Copy)

Every other year or so I come back to this story on the blog, to this ‘little’ event in my life. 

This year it is the 15th anniversary of a big decision I took as a 19 year old gal looking for some adventure in life. Just after 9/11 15 years ago, I took a plane to Sarajevo. I was going to work on the American led HQ camp Butmir. Later a detour to Kosovo punched the last air out of me. 

It was the beginning of a journey that changed be. Broke me it felt like, coming back. 

The thing about coming back to this story isn’t so much re-living and slumping about in the same old wounds. For me, this year, it has more to do with the story. Over the past 3 years I have been digging deep into story work, how they change, how new aspects of story become relevant and triggered at different times. How our relationship to it shifts. How we cling and how we let go. 

Like any woven material, one thread is a part of the bigger picture and it goes into the fabric; you can’t see where it disappeared to, but it is there, holding the structure. This fraction of my story still holds part of the structure. But it is no longer the main color.

For the first 10 years after returning home, the story was anxiety, alcohol, mis-trust, no peace inside, stress in my body, anger, frustration, depression. Slowly the fog started to clear and I felt a little more alive. I found myself with children, a man, a chill-laxed life. But turmoil was still there and it still needs some tending to. 

Back in the day I thought I would go back to my old self, but the fact is I still don’t take overwhelm that well to put it lightly… It is a challenge with kids and relationships in general, but I am starting to see that this is a part of the foundation I work with right now. Before I thought it was the main fix it focus of my life. 

I need to create some space for silence or it caves in on me. I stress easily and little things can quickly became very large. I know that too many people, their bullshit, the amount of games being played, creates too much chaos in me; I need to learn to let it be. I cannot create safety within for myself by knowing what everyone’s thinking or doing… the control freak must be let off. She was however a good companion for a while. 

I need my life to be simple. Complex does my head in. It may seem boring or isolating, but I need to have simplicity to function. It is not an escape; it is my lifeline. Oh and sleep, for a recovering anxiety person, sleep is essential - I have not been getting enough of that for the past 4 years…

It has been a battle between ambition, dreams, owning and honoring the small steps I need to take to be well. A battle of being a resourceful woman, but with a bigger faucet that drains the tank quicker. For saying yes to shit, when no would’ve been the wiser choice. 

As I sit back and remember, it was a wild ride, I had fun, it was horrible and destroying. I am grateful for, some of, the people I met, for the learnings and for spending a year and a half in a beautiful country that was re-building itself after terror beyond our imagination. 

But this story is becoming a thread in the very beginning of the now large woven fabric. I accept that it has left permanent marks on my body and in my soul, but the story is changing in its toll. 

Basically, this past - while it has been about acceptance rather than bulldozing through to get to where the world seemed to want me - has been about creating the right boundaries for me. About trying to sense what was me and what was everyone else. About owning me and not saying I am sorry for being so.

A journey we all take - being us - this is just how that thread played out for me. 

Here’s to stories that hurt and adventures that allow us to grow… 

Maybe to return in a few years, maybe not.

My 2015 List O'mania (Copy)

How I entered 2015... (It's a chili, not a... ) 

I love lists, it’s fun, get my act together lists, shopping and reflections. And ending my year with a list is what I feel called to do. 

Tv-series: Transparent. I love this series, it’s raw, funny, tests our sexual boundaries and stigmas. I have watched a shit load of series this year. We don’t have a TV package or channels, so we choose what we want to watch. Quality and quantity... I also really liked, Penny Dreadful, 

Highlight: Family. I have spent years checking out if the grass really is greener on the other side, searching for my purpose -  what I wanted to do. But Welcoming Eivy into the world, also brought me to a deeper devotion to this family life. It can be a no no to talk openly about the ambivalent feelings of motherhood, but they are there, have been stronger and this year I feel myself settling into it more. It is a transition.

Movie: I am a sucker for late 80’s early 90’s action movies, seriously I could watch Die Hard a few times a year and still feel entertained. A movie I really enjoyed this year was Life of Pi. But laughed hard when I watched The Neighbors… (yes I know…) Watched the latest movie about the Yes Men and other really awesome documentaries. But not overly intellectual. 

Learning: I stress and act out of panic too often. Which is why Focus is my word for 2016. 

Body: Well…

Party: As I was pregnant for most of 2015 I haven’t partied a lot but I have been to a few birthdays that were fun. Ok, I will go with no, on this one, I have enjoyed chill out time this year. 

Pet peeve: People who ask for medical (urgent) advice on Facebook… Also not big on the word juicy when referring to content. 

Illness’: This has been the year of vomit for the entire family, I would like to kindly ask that 2016 - not so much. Thank you. 

Celebration: I leave 2015 a lot more content, happy and hopeful than I entered it. This is huge, my inner angry ass woman seems to have mellowed a little. 

Online: Met some amazing women in circles and courses and so pleased I have. This Online thing can actually bring true connection. Also the retreat where I danced for a weekend - I want more of that come 2016. 

Off-line: My road trip to Sweden with Lilli, we both needed that alone time. 

Fear: That I would never lift up from what has felt like another rock bottom at times. I can say it has, I have lifted. And also know that there can be many rock bottoms in life. 

Laugh: The instagram #whymychildiscrying 

+

This video… https://www.facebook.com/realsamiford/videos/903627999706566/

Drink: herbal nettle tea and am looking forward to my first Mojito on new years. 

Love: Seeing my 3 girls all together for the first time. It was amazing and a laugh that Nola found the baby totally overrated when she noticed her belly button - why does she have a snail #gross

Body vol. 2: ok actually I grew a person inside my body this year, and that is pretty wild. I am amazed what the body can do and heal, even though I haven’t been digging the look of it. Also I get body love and worked with it myself. But every change is a new thing to embrace, and my body has changed a lot after having 3 kids.

Interview with Zero Waste Queen Bea Johnson (Copy)

I have been sniffing around Zero Waste for a year now. Making a few changes, becoming more and more aware of how I shop, run the household, run my business and what changes can we make. But actually the first step for us, was becoming mindful of how much we actually waste. This meant that we started to recycle EVERYTHING we possibly could. 

It is crazy the amount we were throwing away - and now taking to the recycling station. Before one tiny garbage bag at a time didn't seem like is was all that much. After putting in the time and effort to see the amount of trash we generated, well it really brought our attention to our waste. It fueled this journey for us even further. 

Some think it is wildly cool, others focus more on all that we are NOT doing. Even more people just think we are way off on a hippie granola woo woo train. And hey so am I - it's a process, it takes a lot longer than I thought to change our habits, but also how hard it is in a society that isn't geared to waste less.

One thought though, I can't agree that caring for our environment is solely a hippie thang... We can all take different actions.

I will be blogging a lot about our journey toward less waste. Our first steps and also the frustrations e.g. when we can't find veg that isn't wrapped in plastic etc. 

It won't be a share to make anyone feel guilty, I am sick of judging, and I know that pointing fingers rarely does anything other than piss people off. I do however hope that some of this may inspire others to what they could do in their home to create less waste and take care of our precious planet. 

Before I get into my journey, I want to share an interview I did with the woman who inspired me- Please meet Be a Johnson the author of "Zero Waste Home", she a first mover and front runner of inspiring people to a zero waste life style. 

She shares her 5 R's and how you can begin to take action today. 

I hope you enjoy her words of wisdom. 

Top 5 differences between 1st and 3rd pregnancy... (Copy)

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Fear…

During the first pregnancy, fear of all sorts was at the top of the list. I was very worried that my poor vagina would explode as the baby entered the world. I sat in almond oil baths for hours and spent loads of time on Google making sure that I was doing everything I could to prevent my womanhood being ruined.

I was scared what birth would do to me, and so unsure I would manage without all the drugs in the world. I spent hours reading about birthing while biting my fingernails. 

2nd birth home birth, I loved it. Very detailed planning and wanting. 

This time is a planned home birth and we are yet to have the plan made… Everyone keeps asking, so are you ready? Yeah sure, we still have a few days until it all goes down.

Poop and scars…

When going through birth prep classes one woman mentioned that you can poop as the baby pushes down and that an enema was an option to avoid this. Ew gross, I spent a lot of time wondering how our sex life would ever survive a situation like that. Wouldn’t you know, I didn’t give a shit (haha) during the actual pushing phase. Don’t even know if anything like that happened. 

Stretch marks: I did not want a roadmap of scars shattering my bikini bod… that was until I remembered that I have rarely put a bikini on. Also I kind of like how they tell the story of pregnancy and giving birth to, so far, 2 children. 3rd child, well it’s already stretched eh. 

Impatience…

1st time around I was ready to give birth after 6 months, come on already… This time not so much. I have things to do and sleep to be had. All is well and she can arrive 2 weeks late if she wants. I just would like to demand the right to not get up the last 3-4 weeks. 

I am so lucky that my kids and man are totally on board with that… not. 

Equipment…

I downloaded lists, and spent money on so many “essentials” during the first pregnancy. What!? How can you be a good parent without this plastic thing I don’t know how to use? The mag clearly said it WASN’T an add, and that you couldn’t get by without it. Well, wouldn’t you know, the best toy in the world was a cardboard box, and the baby grew out of all of it in a day or two anyway. 

This time… “babe, can you get the pram out of the shed”, “sure”… cool, done. 

Documentation…

I looked through old scrapbooks, and smiled at the photos of my baby bump and how it grew hour by hour for 9 months the 1st time around, and how we made sure to have me smiling like a loon at the camera, so we wouldn’t ever forget this awesome time. We had the test and everything there. 

This time I had to get the camera out in a panic, “shit, 8 months pregnant already, I don’t have a single picture of me or the belly”. Sorry little new baby girl, we love you just as much. But the dog ate the external hard drive with ALL of the photos from the pregnancy and your childhood…

Things that are the same. 

The man… 

I, just as I did the first time, wake up in the middle of the night (for hours). With struggle, I roll over to look at the dad, who is snoring. Sip a little water to control the heartburn, frown and think to myself - asshole, you did this to me, how can you just sleep through the night like nothing and here I am in bits from no sleep, kicks to the bladder and a throat on fire. 

Next morning, I look at him and think wow, what a miracle we are having another baby, and how lucky are we, I love him… #hormones

Excitement…

I cannot wait to meet her, to sniff her head and welcome her into our family with all that, that is. With everything said, I do have a tingle in my body, as I did with the oldest and a growing love for this little being. I however am a little older, a little more experienced, and a little more aware of the fact that I know nothing about how this birth will change our life. 

When you are ready, so are we.  

xo Mom

Birth Rockstar Shalome Doran (Copy)

I am pregnant, and a mom, but that's not the only reason why I love this woman and her mission. I have always been allergic to have to fit into to boxes, meet standards for a valid experience, or being forced into choices that just weren't aligned. And it happens so often. She is here to support you to make the choices that fit and suit YOU. 

Listen in here...

Shalome wants to live in a world where women approach their birth with excitement and awe. A highly-medicalised hospital birth and 2 sensational home births taught her that a little preparation can make ALL the difference, and that you can feel like a total Rockstar when you birth, regardless of how you birth. 

Shalome works with pregnant mamas to replace their fear of pain with the insights and self- belief to roar their baby out - by creating their own informed, empowered and amazing birth experience. When she’s not gushing about empowering birth stories, you can find Shalome editing her digital-baby, the Rockstar Birth Magazine 

Find out more here

rockstarbirthmagazine.com

facebook.com/RockstarBirth 

New Podcast Episode: Born through fire with Kaly McKenna (Copy)

Kaly McKenna shares her realness and rawness about life and when it doesn't go the way you thought. She is such an inspiration to many with her story and the stories she shares on her podcast show.

Kaly is an accomplished combat veteran and pilot whose life was turned upside down when her husband of ten years left her alone with a newborn. She began a journey of self-discovery that led to yoga with horses, leaping from waterfalls and ultimately connecting with a community of women who held her while she transformed.

Kaly has been Born Through Fire. She is now on a mission to give voice to others who are suffering in silence and turn their story into triumph through her podcast Born Through Fire at www.bornthroughfire.com

Kaly turned her love for creative entrepreneurs and her genius at business into a successful business strategy service to build creatives wings to soar. 

Tune in to the podcast episode here... 

 

What to do when you wake up and the dog shits on your mood… (Copy)

This morning I woke up, the birds were singing, the kids were quiet, my man was snoring a little less than earlier that night, and the sun peeked through the trees outside my window.

All in all, pure bliss, until my pregnant super sonic sense of smell picked up on something odd and I remembered all the to do’s, and what happened at 3am…

Cut to the night before…

We had given the dog a proper bone. Norma was busy for 3 hours with the thing, and we had the couch to ourselves - bonus. But as a parent staying up passed 9.30pm it too hard, I was tired and kissed my man goodnight and went to bed to read “The Alchemist”. 

I started to nod off after 2 pages (I am thinking that maybe the life changing experience of reading the book, will never happen at that pace). I gave in and went to sleep. 

3am I wake up because the two year old was screaming 2 inches from my face, that she couldn't find her teddy. It took me about 15 minutes on all 4's, naked, in the dark, without my glasses on, to find her teddy. Emergency over. Goodnight. 

4am; elbowed the man as the snoring was out of this world - don’t lie on your BAAAAAAAACK. 

Cut back to this morning… 

So the dog and the bone!

Super sonic pregoo nose. 

Something is wrong. In all the beauty of this morning glory, the oder of dog shit was outrages. Please no. I am not cleaning it up - I can’t. I feel sick. I woke him up, begging him to take care of it only to get a super annoyed reply “It will be there in 30 minutes, now go back to sleep”. 

For the next 30 minutes I breathed through my mouth. Shifting between gagging and drifting off.

Luckily he was my hero and cleaned, what turned out to cover most of the living room floor, up - so gross. Note to self, don’t buy that kind of bone again. 

But the shit stuck to my mood and I spent an hour staring angry at the wall. 

My medicine for starting the day like this is to make a nice cup of tea, and take a moment to do nothing. If I wasn’t pregnant maybe it would be a morning mojito. 

Before I go outside with my cup of tea, I wish you a jolly good day.

Oh, glory the times you only crack yourself up (Copy)

So recently (yesterday) I was interviewing a woman I really admire. It was late at night, full moon, Mercury in Retrograde (what else are we blaming at the moment??) oh yeah, I’m pregnant and had just watched a show about antiques that was an hour long, but could have been a 15 minute ride if they had left out the 13 duuh duuuuhmmmm’s. So clearly, in retrospective I hadn't set myself up for a wam bam of an interview.

We got on the call and I went blank. Oh oh… then I messed up the introduction. You know the feeling when, as you are talking, your brain is going “Noooooo wrap it up”, but your mouth continues?

Getting past it, with somehow evolving my dialect into a thick accent of some kind, I started to warm up a little. I decided to half ass a joke about me messing up the intro and then nothing… only me laughing hard about my own fuck up. My upper lip started to sweat and I am sure I saw someone sneaking around outside the window, the dog farted and I went back into blank mode.

Disaster. 

Most of which is going on in my head. I am sure she sensed something a little off, but nothing compared to the titanic of a melt down going on across cyberspace. 

Picking up today I have contemplated quite a few excuses as to why the interview won’t go live. But why? Too shameful to show the imperfect nature, that is me? Scared she thinks I am a total loon. Scared that you can hear the dog farting in the interview and that people will think it was me? 

Knowing, as there always is, someone will send me an email about how I could really bring it to the next level with 1 of 15 proven steps to being more professional, controlled, closer to 6 figures or what have we. 

Moving past that, it will be going live. It was real and I am making a commitment to not polishing off the sides of life that happen to all of us, just because they are horrifically unsexy. 

I am ordinary and owning it…

New Podcast Episode with Laura Simms (Copy)

I had the pleasure of chatting with this stunning and inspiring woman. She is a wise one and shifted a lot for me on passion vs. purpose and how causing passion can run me (maybe you too?) tired... 

Listen to this weeks episode here...

Laura Simms turns traditional career coaching on its head by asking folks to ditch their passions and start with purpose.

Over 60 websites, podcasts, and universities have turned to Laura for career advice, including US News & World Report, The Huffington Post, and The University of California, Irvine.

After struggling through her own career transition, Laura developed Your Career Homecoming, her signature career change process, to help people find careers that feel like home. This unconventional curriculum sidesteps the standard and often ineffective “What do you want to be?” approach to consider what really matters most: purpose, legacy, identity, money, service, and self-expression.

Working with clients internationally, Laura is proving that the purpose-driven approach leads to meaningful, profitable careers, and that making a living and making a life go hand in hand.

Creative inspiration: http://www.instagram.com/createasfolk

Free training and http://www.createasfolk.com/freebies