Mindfulness

Alle hader mormor bag rettet...

Jeg har lige været på to dages arbejds"retreat" på landet. Min mor bor ud til vand og skov, og det er luksus at komme derned. Der var fantastisk, solen skinnede og vi tog en køretur langs vandet på vej ind for at handle. Jeg kørte bilen, og er måske ikke den mest erfarne billist. Derfor vælger jeg, at køre forsigtigt mellem vejtræer og rådyr.

Store smil og grin og tjuhej hvor vi hygger, jeg kigger ud af bakspejlet, ser en ung fyr i en sænket vogn i en god turkis farve, som helt sikkert kører mere end mine 48,8 km i timen. Jeg har overskud, jeg er glad, og føler mig som et stort menneske, så jeg bremser ned, og blinker ind til siden for at lade ham komme forbi.

Han kører forbi mig storråbene i sin bil, rystende på hovedet mens han laver fagter mod mig og gasser op...

Vildt nok, hvordan ens intentioner gang på gang bliver misforstået, og hvor meget en "ÅRH jaaa..." følelse man kan få, når nu man prøvede at være flink.

Det store spørgsmål er, hvad jeg nu gør? Skal jeg lade det ødelægge mit humør. Give fingeren tilbage. Blive ked af at al den forsøgen på at gøre ham en tjeneste var forgæves? Lade være med at gøre det en anden gang?

Hvordan ville du reagere?

 

Klima, klima, klima, lkmia, lmiak...

Mens jeg sidder her med hovedet ud af vinduet med varmen på for fuld udblæsning, med min 17. latte to go i papkrus, computer, TV, og radio kørende og har glemt at slukke lyset i flere rum, undrer det mig, at de der store virksomheder ikke kan finde ud af at skære ned for det dersens CO2... NEJ... Nu går snakken igen omkring vores klima. Jeg ved ikke, om jeg skal frygte dommedag lige om hjørnet, men én ting jeg kan sige er, at det ikke kun er industrien, der er er nogle miljøsvin. Hvordan skal man danne sig et billede af hvilken situation vi virkelig står i?

Jamen hvad nytter det, kan man spørge sig selv om. Tja, jeg synes da i det mindste man skulle prøve. Jeg kunne godt tænke mig, at opdrage min datter til et liv, med et sundere miljø omkring hende og en følelse af ansvar for den verden hun lever i.

Jeg har min gang inde hos Danmarks kommende elite på KU et par dage om ugen... Her kan man både få varmen og en masse frisk luft samtidig på toilettet... Hvad er meningen med at skrue op på 5 i stedet for at lukke vinduet? Kaffen bliver nydt i gode engangs flamingokrus, som heldigvis ikke kan genbruges - og man MÅ IKKE bruge sit eget krus er der et fint lille skilt der reklarmerer med. Papir flyder alle vegne, og toiletpapir bliver brugt til at markere vejen til toilettet...

Hvorfor har vi så svært ved, at se os selv som en del af en et større billede? Hvis man ikke selv har et ansvar, hvis er det så? Det er vel i sidste ende os som forbruger, al den industri arbejder for? Jeg arbejder i hvertfald på at stramme op i mit eget liv, der helt klart også kunne bruge lidt forbedring på det område.

Hvad gør du for at skåne miljøet? Og tror du at der er stort problem?

Her er nogle tiltag jeg godt kan lide:

Fødevarefællesskabet - for dig der bor i KBH. Så kan man få lokalt grønt.

No impact man - måske lidt ekstremovich men han har gode pointer!

Stop spild af mad - Om hvad vores madvaner har af effekt på miljøet

Og drikkedunke frem for kildevand, termokrus til kaffen osv.

Dømmer du heller aldrig andre?

Jeg ville så gerne sige, at jeg aldrig dømmer andre. Men det gør jeg. Helt pr. automatik. Det gør vi alle, nogen mere end andre måske. Vi har alle den fantastiske egenskab, at vi kan forsvare enhver handling, og ofte også vores fordømmelser. I aften skal jeg undervise "mindfulness fortsætter" holdet, og jeg vil tage emnet "at dømme sig selv op". For den evne er om noget lige så vel udviklet som det at dømme andre... Er den ik? I den forbindelse fandt jeg et lille digt, som jeg synes var meget sjov. :) Og måske en lille reminder... hehe

a poem about judging others

I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake.

"And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said He, "they're all in shock. No one thought they'd be seeing you."

Judge NOT.

Jeg fandt den her: http://texandave.blogspot.com/2009/09/poem-about-judging-others.html

Zen for mødre

  Jeg har spurgt nogle kvinder, som jeg finder enormt inspirerende, om at skrive et indlæg til bloggen. De kommende måneder kommer deres bud på hvordan man kan få mere ro i hverdagen her. Jeg er enormt glad for at de har valgt at bruge tid på det. :) Her kommer Anna Skyggebjergs (forfatter til Zen mødre og Super mor) indlæg. Kh Carina

Zen for mødre

Er hverdagen hektisk? Glemmer du at trække vejret i bund? Glemmer du at gøre plads i din hverdag til ro, nærvær og fordybelse?

Den dårlige nyhed er, at sådan er det for de fleste mødre med små børn.

Den gode nyhed er, at det ikke behøver at være sådan. En hverdag med Zen-fyldte åndehuller er lige om hjørnet. Du behøver hverken at købe et ”starter kit”, at blive buddhist eller at melde dig til et 12-punkts program. Alt, hvad der skal til for at opleve Zen i hverdagen, er, at du finder nogle ritualer, som giver dig en følelse af, at du har ”a room of your own”, hvor du kan trække vejret i bund.

Her er mine tre helt enkle ritualer, der giver mig et Zen-fyldt åndehul om aftenen, når børnene er puttet.

1: Jeg trækker mig tilbage til soveværelset, slukker lyset, tænder stearinlys og tager 15 minutter i meditativ ro.

2: Jeg synker ned i min Nødhjælpskasse, som er en kasse, jeg har fyldt op med ting, der gør mig godt på hårde dage.

3: Jeg skriver taknemmelighedsdagbog, altså ”fem ting, jeg er taknemmelig for i dag”.

Selv på de travleste dage er Zen muligt! Og på de dage, hvor det alligevel ikke er, ja, der tilgiver man sig selv. For Zen handler nemlig også om at acceptere, at man ikke altid kan gøre det så godt, som man gerne vil. Og faktisk: Det er en stor lettelse og kilde til Zen at give slip på alle de store forventninger og acceptere livet, som det er lige nu. Og så have tillid til, at det ændrer sig efterhånden og kommer til at gå alt sammen.

Anna Skyggebjerg

Anna Skyggebjerg er mor til Jacob og Elise på 10 og 15 år. Hun har skrevet bøgerne ”Super Mor. Smutveje for enlige mødre – og andre seje kvinder, der vil have en nemmere hverdag” og ”Zen for mødre. Åndehuller du vil nyde, i en hverdag du vil elske!”

Følg Anna på hendes blog, ”Hele 3 ting”, hvor hun hver dag skriver om Zen i hverdagen: blog.annaskyggebjerg.dk

 

 

Getting lost in the woods.

This summer I needed a break from the city, the internet and my iPhone! My daughter and I took off, with some of my family to Sweden. In the middle of no where, a little house just sat there waiting.

Mindful holiday

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was so peaceful and the air so fresh, that I instantly felt at ease.

The past few years going through time with serveral anxiety attacks a day, becoming a mom and struggling with feeling sane enough for it..., and opening up to my sensitivity more, living in the city has become a bit of a stress factor. Living in constant noise doesn't have great effect on my system. So I knew this would be just what I needed.

Even the shower was amazing, standing butt naked with a full front view of the woods. And no peeping Toms.

Feeling free

 

 

 

 

The toilet being very good for the environment, was not so much a place for meditation...

Evivornment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This trip reminded me of the importance of re-charging, creating space in my life, and that although full of life, the city and being online ALL THE TIME, does have a negative effect on me and my stress level. And even better, to my big surprise of course, the city and my partner DID survive without me for a while...

The blog post is kicking off the blog, again. so this fall will be time for writing and hopefully interacting with you all.

Review: Mommy meditations

  I was very thrilled when I was contacted, and asked to review this cd. Providing a cd that for new mothers is something that I would like to do at some point. I am glad that there is an offer for women with smallchildren. I know it is needed, and our children benefit so much from a happy mother.

It took a while for it to get to me, not on the mommy meditation’s fault though. We live in a world where anything is possible - apart from downloading a mp3 from amazon and itunes because I am based in Denmark - amazing... But it made its way. : )

The 15 min. meditation is great for finding a sense of calm in a time with a lot of change and no sleep.  The cd is short and has the essentials. I know from my own experience that short is good when time is the same.

There is a guided meditation, a track with music, and also a good introduction to the hows and whys. You aren’t left to guess or spend time wondering if you are doing it right. I think that was very smart and you can relax into the meditation. They cleverly put the introduction on a seperate track, so you don’t have to listen to it everytime, and as you get more experienced.

If I am to critique anything it would be the use of the word mommy between adults. I am not a big fan, and would prefer mom or mother instead. But that is not important during the meditations.

I would recommend the Mommy meditation cd for new moms. And I am grateful for the chance to enjoy the meditations myself.

Mindfulness for moms

Aware Parenting and Living a Conscious Life By Hannah Andrews

Aware Parenting is a term coined by Aletha Solter. It is a parenting paradigm that has transformed families and their children around the world. Families practicing Aware Parenting raise healthy (both physically and emotionally) children that are willing to co-operate, have respect for other people and are willing and able to learn. Aletha has written 4 books; The Aware Baby, Raising Drug-Free Kids, Tears & Tantrums and Helping Young Children Flourish. Aware Parenting supports children’s full scale of emotions. It seems in today’s society that whenever a child cries, we immediately do all we can to stop it. Crying is a normal human emotion, just like anger, sadness, frustration and is just like happiness, joy and bliss, except on the other end of the scale. As we move into a new era of change through breaking down of old systems and Mother Earth showing us that the way the world is living is not 100% working. We need change, and starting with our children is where it is at.

Aletha’s books are full of research confirming that tears contain certain hormones that are released from the body, through tears when crying. As with all other means of elimination through the body ie toilet, sweat, nose and mouth, these functions of the physical body all have a very definite purpose. When all your child’s physical needs have been met, and they are still crying – what do you do? All you need to do is move in close, let them know you are here for them, it is ok to cry and be present with them. Let them know you love them and that you are not leaving them when they are upset. Let them get it all out with your loving presence.

Crying is a feeling. Some people say, well children don’t have stress, babies don’t have stress they ‘should’ be happy all the time. The truth is that babies do get stressed, children do get stressed. Going to the shopping centre is overwhelming as is a day at childcare. What we consider not stressful, for a child still learning about the world is very stressful. A baby coming out of a womb into cold air, smells, sounds and even the experience of learning how to use their physical body – is very stressful. What we take for granted, they are still learning. Ever been to a new place and get lost because you don’t know where you are or how to get where you need to go? Is that stressful? Can that be frightening if you are in a country you don’t speak their language? This is how it is for children all the time. The only way they can release and heal – is through crying. Supported crying with an empathetic listener.

Embracing children for all that they are is accepting all parts of them. The happiness as well as the sadness. If crying is a normal human emotion and it is scientifically proven the benefits and stress release through crying and we are not listening to our children’s crying when they are young, what message does that tell them? What do you do when your child cries? If all their physical needs are met, what do you do if they are still crying? How do you feel when they are crying? If you are uncomfortable with crying there is a way for change. Most of society is uncomfortable with crying due to the way they were treated when they were a child crying. When your child cries are you doing the same thing that was done to you? By living a conscious life and being aware of your own feelings, you have the power to change the way you respond to your child’s behavior - whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What do you do when you are upset? How do you feel when you have finished a big cry?

If your goal is to raise healthy children who are connected to their true self, then I highly recommend learning more about Aware Parenting and looking to your own past to heal the hurts that are preventing you from being truly connected to your children and family in healthy intimate ways.

To learn more visit

www.awareparenting.com

www.parentingwithpresence.net

www.realityawareness.com

About Hannah:

Mindful ParentingYoga teacher, Spiritual teacher and Mother, Hannah completed her Yoga Teacher Training in 2008 after 3 years of intense personal practise. Increased physical energy, mental clarity, alertness and increasing conscious awareness is fueling her passion to pass this valuable and life giving gift onto others.

Growing up through a dysfunctional family system, peers led her into a dark period of high risk drug taking as a teenager. Through a journey of intense personal transformation after hitting rock bottom in 2004, Yoga became the new high. With committed practise, the drugs naturally fell away. Inner transformation occurred as the body and mind were stretched to new limits. Whilst completing her training as a Yoga Teacher, she experienced a pregnancy coupled with Domestic Violence. Throughout all this, Yoga has been the lifesaver - with it's natural anti-depressant remedies, the physical strength building the emotional strength, and the peace that she feels when moving through the Asanas, she has found her heart in something she loves and is passionate about sharing this experience with others.

Training as a Lightworker Practitioner in 2005 allowed her to become aware of how the Spiritual affects the Physical. This has lead to a new way of Being, one which is positively transformational. Hannah loves sharing 'what works' and strongly agrees with empowering clients with tools and knowledge. This enables the client to have resources available and the capability to take responsibility to shift their life from negative to positive.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting has allowed her to expand her awareness to new heights. Practicing Aware Parenting with her daughter, her journey has increased to a new heightened awareness which she brings into her Yoga classes through feeling and breath. To experience, accept and claim all parts of ourselves, can see us returning to the wholeness for which we are in Truth.

Hannah teaches with authenticity, awareness and breath and trusts that the experience you have from being in her presence, will give you a new lease on life, even if only for a moment. Let the transformation begin.

Judgement day

I used to work in customerservice, and I would daily be called “a bitch, f... off, your are no good” and so on. People felt a need to vent and I was on the phone, so I wasn’t a person. Those were the terms, and days could be verrrrryyy long. More and more over the years, we don’t deal with people, we deal with screens, phones, emails, machines. We don’t have to think of the minds, hearts, lives of the online folks, as we are not faced with their eyes, vibrations, face to face talks.

It is so easy to let out and let loose, and never ever have to face the hurt feelings on the other end. The work, and ruined days of other human beings. Are we becoming a society that doesn’t have to care about other peoples feelings, and therefore we don’t? Have we in our ability to hide in cyber space, taken the right to lash out everytime we feel slightly annoyed?

I was given a little gift yesterday. It was a man who wrote me comment about my ebook saying “this was marketing elephant shit”. - and I am sure it was to him.

After reading it, I started to shake a little, butterflies in my stomach, stress levels rising, a feeling of not being good enough, felt nervous, sad, angry. Thoughts arised such as, “does everyone think that?, am I no good?, do people feel like I am full of it?, should I take it off?, remove all of the links to the book?, I put so much work into it, how dare he, I thought it was good, oh no!” etc. I wanted to defend myself, convince him that I am a good person, who truely wants to do good and bla bla bla.

I try my best not to be rude, and never give my, over the phone or online meetings, an online roar. Even if I know the feeling of reading something someone else put out there, thinking “this is not very valuble”, or feeling like letting the phone lady have it, feeling like writing an email in rage, because it is instant and easy relief.

The judging side of my being. Being very hard on others, at times where I feel that something wasn’t authentic. Thinking I know exactly what authentic is. I know better, and having no problem with letting others know how I feel - I have the right.

I sometimes forget that it is a person I am dealing with, that we are connected as human beings, and that I am not just bouncing around in the world on my own. What I do, say and vibrate matters.

Today was a reminder for me, to touch base with those feelings. To take a look at, the times where I let my autopilot take over, and the “I know better” mentality kicks in. And instead touch kindness, and awknowledge the time and heart they put into something. That I don’t know their intentions, backgrounds, hearts, minds. It was a reminder for me to stay open, and have a look inside, when the urge to judge arises. That I don’t have to like everything, and let it be.

I am grateful for the oppurtunity today, to let my inner judge Judy take the day off.

Create Mindful Moments Everyday. By Raelynn Maloney, Ph.D

I recently published a book designed to help parents integrate mindful presence into their everyday parenting. Waking Up: A Parent’s Guide to Mindful Awareness and Connection introduces parents to the practice of mindful presence. Mindful presence grounds you in the moment with your child. It anchors you in the here-and-now and allows you to truly experience what is real and alive in your parent-child relationship.

Consciously creating mindful moments in your daily life is easier than you think, especially when, as a parent, you realize that your child has been waiting for you in the present moment all along.

Creating mindful moments is about using what is right in front of you, right now, to connect with and tune into your child. It is about consciously bringing purpose to any interaction through a laugh, a look, a book, a smile. A “moment of presence” is about using your full awareness to make a connection. It is a moment when you are fully paying attention to what is happening internally for you and externally around you. It’s as if you let everything fade into the background except what is in front of you and available to you here and now (the laugh, the look, the book, anything).

You can experience a whole new way to connect with your child. Start today by taking this moment to stop and treat yourself to a full, deep breath. Drop into yourself and feel your center. Look over the three moments described below, apply them to your own parent-child interaction, and transform your every day into mindful moments.

Everyday Mindful Moments

Morning

• How can I mindfully wake my child for the day?

As I wake my child for the day, I am conscious of wanting her to enter the day positively and peacefully, therefore, I bring positive and peaceful energy with me into the interaction.”

Afternoon

• How can I mindfully greet my child after school?

I put my phone in the console and watch my son approach. I smile when I see him. I give him a high-five or a fist-bump when he jumps into the car.”

Evening

• How can I be mindfully present at bedtime?

Instead of yelling up the stairs to ask my daughter to start getting ready for bed, I climb the steps. When I am closer to her, I speak directly and in a normal tone, bringing a positive, healthy energy into our night.”

Find out more about Raelynn Maloney here:

Counseling Practice- http://www.amindfulplace.com

Book:Waking Up: A Parent's Guide - http://www.wakingupwithawareness.com

Book: Caring for Donor Families- http://www.caringfordonorfamilies.com

Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/raelynnmaloney

LinkedIn - http://www.linkedin.com/in/raelynnmaloneyphd

Twitter - http://twitter.com/raelynnmaloney

The time I feel most present... By Zach Rosen

Mindful Parenting article I would like to thank Carina, from way across the ocean, to ask me to

contribute to this 'being mindful with your child' blog, as a dad. I
have followed and learned from Carina's postings (and circulated them in
our neighborhood through parent email groups!) and it felt great to be
asked to contribut. So here goes:

The time I feel most present with B, our nine-about-to-be-ten year old
is, maybe strangely enough, when she is about to go to sleep and, maybe
even more strangely enough, when we watch television together. When B is
about to go to sleep, we both go through the ritual of her brushing her
teeth, or us brushing her teeth together. I love the smell of the
toothpaste, and the way she looks at herself in the mirror when she is
brushing her teeth.Loving brushing teeth a bit strange I suppose, but I
find it fun anyway.

Also, when B is furiously tearing through her night clothing, trying to
figure out what is the best night outfit to put on (the pajamas are too
hot or the bottoms are too tight or the colors don't match, or
whatever), given I have no attachment whatsoever to style or clothing
preference, it's easy to sit back and watch her in all her furious glory
and to provide whatever emotional and/or other support she needs.

I love putting on the blanket and sheet 'the right way' (as my mom did
to me when I was a child, first throwing the blanket in the air and then
as it descends, a cool breeze comes down first and then the sheet or
blanket). I love picking out which stuffed animal she wants to go to
sleep with, over the ten million (exaggeration, clearly) animals there
are to choose from.

My favorite way of 'being there' is when B, a procrastinator of sleep,
will talk about any and all things that are bothering her (mainly
bothering her) as she falls asleep. We've developed a ritual where I
sing her "The Sh'ma" a several verse Jewish prayer that by now, brings
her to yawning and falling asleep. Then my more favorite thing is after
B is asleep, I listen to her breathing, the sounds of the cars going by
and the wind on the windows.

This is the easier stuff. The harder stuff for me in being mindful with
B is just plain old playing around. My dad never played with me like
other dads did. He did, however, take the time from his obsessive
preoccupation with his business and his worsening depression, to draw
with me and to talk science stuff. Didn't happen much, but did happen
from time to time and these moments are fond moments to me.

So with B and me, working on an art or science project together (of
late, Daddy I'm sick of drawing all I do is drawing there is nothing
else to do in the house) comes naturally to be present with her -
however, I feel completely bereft at playing any kind of games were her,
and because of physical bad back type limitations, have a great deal of
trouble even throwing a ball around with her. The other doing-type-thing
that comes naturally is swimming and I feel great that I've taken her
swimming since she was a baby and today she loves to swim and is a great
swimmer too (non-competitive, just for fun).

The past year has been difficult for me professionally, very big time
transition from one job to another, very difficult and very draining of
my attention to the personal area of my life. The not so great thing is
that the worry and attention to that area, at first, drained my
attentional capacity at home. The VERY great thing, is that my new job
allows me more time at home, no late night, every night working and, in
general, less stress and therefore more ability to 'be' with B in the
many aspects of her life, from picking her up at the bus to being with
her at night

Oh yeah, I did say one of my favorite things to do with B where I feel
present is to watch television together (yeah, I know, not in the list
of mindful activities to do with kids, but c'est la vie) and so there is
also MOVIE NIGHT!

B and I both get to eat in the family room and watch movies together,
laughing at the same time, exchanging looks when someone in the movie
says something ridiculous or heartful and then rating the movie together
carefully at the end of each movie with a thumbs up, down or thumbs in
the middle and then saying why. Yeah, yeah, I know watching movies is
not your typical "being there with the kid" type image, but that's how
she and I enjoy ourselves in that way!

After meditating I am much more present with B and with everything for
that matter, but in the course of the day, the presence gained through
meditation, I find, fades quickly. So my energy goes to meditating in
life, bringing my attention to the present, taking in each morsel that
life has to offer.

I am getting better at being mindful, but still am an ADHD mindless boob
at heart (no mistake there - NOT mindful, mindLESS) type wanderer - -
much more often than I would like. Compassion for myself in failing to
be present much more often that I would like - big time task (saying to
myself, DADDY BE THERE MORE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER - as B says to me the
same thing over and over as I am distracted - ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

So, all in all I'd give myself a thumbs up on some days for being
mindful and a thumbs down for my preoccupied days and a thumbs in the
middle for the half and half days. Like with a lot of things, I'm
betting on practice getting my mindful self more in tune and my mindless
self a bit less practice, and, hopefully be more present for B and
myself as well.

Zach

Find Zach and learn here:

www.twitter.com/buddahbear01

http://twitter.com/#!/buddahbear01><http://buddahbear01.wordpress.com/