Love

What do you love...

 about you...?

So how did it go with checking in last week? If you didn't read last week's post you can find it here..

Rick Hanson wrote the book “Hard Wiring Happiness” . In it he talks about letting short glimpses of happiness expand. Allowing yourself to begin to see happiness instead of all that is going wrong in you life. He also describes how this change in focus and wayof living, changes the circuit in your brain - very interesting!

I believe that this can be linked to self-compassion. You can feel love and compassion, maybe briefly, and then find a million reasons why that isn’t true or why you don’t deserve it, or how you aren't the person you want to be. This is simplified of course, but today I want to shine a light on focus, and a little shift on how you focus on you.

As moms we want to do our best. We feel and have great responsibility and love for our children. This can also bring on the judgment and guilt and sense of 'when will I ever be good enough'? To be in that place is very stressful.

A lot of wise people have said where your focus goes, your energy flows. As I feel Rick is pointing to.

This week I would like you to focus on the thing you are grateful for and/or like about yourself.

Write In Journal

Monday practice

I want you to get our your journal and write 3 things down that you like/love/appreciate about yourself. No one has to read it or agree with it- this is for you.

For some it might take time and feel a little uncomfortable, give yourself the space to reflect and sense into the question and start out where you feel true to yourself. For others maybe all the things you dislike come up first. Allow that to come up and pass. Continue to sit with the question. And eyebrows and fingers count as answers just fine (they were the 2 first on my list when I did this a few years ago…).

Do this every night this week and also reflect on how it feels to write it down?

If you feel called to, please share any thoughts in the comments below.

IMPORTANTO: Before I go I would like to remind you to take these exercises as they feel right. You alone know when it is too much, too little or when you need extra support. Be sensitive towards yourself.

What is Self-compassion?

Great question!

Baby Self Love

Some days I feels very unclear and I am judging myself a lot. Other days it feels very clear, and I do not beat myself up.

I believe in exploring, rather than giving answers (to some questions anyway) and I want you to feel into what self-compassion means and feels to you.

When you read the word self-compassion what comes up for you?

But, because it can be helpful to have an wise woman's word I would like to offer Kristin Neff’s thoughts on Self-Compassion. I am truly inspired by her and her work and can highly recommend her book. 

She writes that self-compassion consists of 3 elements: Self-Kindness, Common Humanity and Mindfulness. I feel they interweave, but that the first step is awareness. This brings us to know, and to the only moment we can move forward from.

Practice for this coming week

First step is really to become aware. Checking in and getting intimate with what is. An inner weather report if you will. So I'd like to introduce the short check-in.

Whenever you sit in the car, leave the house, go to the restroom or remember, do the following:

  • Close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths
  • Connect to whatever is going on right now, thoughts, kids screaming, lists and to do’s etc. As best you can without judging or hurrying to change it, just noticing.
  • Sense the body, feet, buttocks, back, hands, head
  • Not changing anything just noticing.
  • When you feel ready open your eyes and continue your day

Do this as many times a day as you feel called to. What do you notice when you check in? Write a few words down in your journal or share in the comments below.

With love

Carina

What my Mama taught me!

mom-tattooSo I got an email with the "challenge" to write a post for Mother's Day, about what I have learnt from my mom. I have and why wait till mother's day, all of the following is how I feel most of the year. Ok so this could be the longest list in the world, most of what I know came from her, spiced with the adventures of adult life, but the foundation was created in childhood, from her.

I don't want to go all Forest Gump here, mostly because when eating a box of chocolates I usually don't taste med, I stuff them... anyway...

We are 5 siblings and as I sit with my 2 girls inhaling coffee, my respect for her grows - how the hell did she do it!?!

But we all turned out great, doing awesome things in life, traveling, studying, creating and she taught us that well. I can barely keep up with 2 girls and some days I fear that I am mostly teaching them how to cover insomnia with concealer.

So how do you learn? I remember what she did and being so proud of her. She aimed for things, she seldom sat back feeling sorry for herself. She took chances and got things done (with at least 1 kid on her hip), she did her best, and laughed a lot. She wore the biggest glasses man ever made and her hair matched.

She told us to do what we dreamed of, to travel the world and experience as much as we could. She taught us to do the dishes and cook and to always wear clean underwear when going somewhere.

She taught us love and never ever sent us out the door without knowing how much she loved us. She taught us what is possible if you want it, even on your own with a sh** load of kids.

She taught us that not knowing is ok and that vulnerability is a part of it all. She taught us that there is always two sides to a story. She taught us that Henna dyes your hair orange no matter what color you think you bought.

She taught us to be grateful for what we had and I am so grateful I had her.

I bow in respect for the woman and what I have learnt continues to unfold as I go about in life. I am happy to have the skills and the ability to ask (mostly her) if I don't.

I love you dearly mom and thank you for being my role model.

 

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My dear Gram...

I want to tribute day 7 to her, to our ancestors, to the people who paved the way. Those who lived and passed and forever imprinted their being in our hearts.

Somedays I still want to call her or think that a card from her will be in the mail. Death is such a strange thing. She doesn't feel gone. the memory so present. I miss her dearly. 

My Gram passed this weekend... I miss her so much. Losing someone you love is strange. I feel sad and tired. Guilty and a bit of panic. I know she isn't suffering anymore and that this was her time.

But what I'm left behind with are memories and a fear of those fading. And I guess some of them will. I wish I had gotten her laugh and voice bottled. I wish I had listened to more stories about her life. I wish I had called more. I wish I hadn't been so far away for the past 20 years. I wish she knew how much she meant to me...

An article is going around on Facebook with what the dying wish they would've done more of in their life. I am writing this as a "living" going back and celebrating what I did have with my Grandma Carrie.

I know that as I write this, those close to me and us might say "that's not how it was". But that's what's so great about memories, they are mine. This is how I remember her.

 I remember...

- how they toasted bread on an old coat hanger on the stove and how the bread drawer smelled. I loved her bread.

- how I would get my gram's curlers out and I would do her hair till she fell asleep.

- how after we moved away, and we called home my gram would answer the phone in the living room and my grandpa in the bedroom. Him crying and my gram saying "geez Bud".

- how we would come over for Sunday dinners and everyone (it seemed) was there and how good her salt-beef was.

- how she would always say "I love you right to the bones".

- how she could never pronounce Guelph and hated that we lived there.

- how the last few years when I phoned we would talk for 13 minutes and then she would say "Oh someone's coming to the door, I gotta go" we would talk for another 5 minutes and noone ever knocked. Good way to get rid of me though. :)

- how her vegetable garden looked and how much I loved their yellow house.

- how she taught me how to knit, but didn't really have the patience for me fumbling around with it.

- how when I stayed the night as a kid, I'd stay in her bed and my Gramp would get kicked into the single bed.

- how she would watch wrestling and loved Ricky the Steamboat and how cool I thought she was for liking it.

- how she would save little packs of Fruitloops in their food stash and let me eat Tumbs because I thought they tasted real good.

- how when I think of her my Gramp is along her side. And how much she missed him after he died. She said she would tell him off for dying from her.

- how I know that more memories will come up over the next weeks and I will be sending her my love with each one...

- how she would end a conversation about something hard with a "God eh C'rin".

And so will I. I miss you dearly and know you are in peace.

God eh Gram. <3

I'm out...

  So it's my 4 year birthday around this time,  I have been "in business" for 4 years. A lot of soul searching, mistake making and even more confusion has gone through the system.

When  I started out I liked creating, loved it actually. Writing, messing around with pictures and colors and getting it right... for me, reading comments and interacting with those who dropped by.

However, ever since I started out as a self-employed woman I have resisted it on some level. I love being my own boss. I love that I can go to work only wearing socks if I wanted to. But as with any uncommon ground (motherhood, new relationship etc) a little uncertainty sets in, and I at least have felt the need to follow the leaders.

I have joined close to every bizz style course you can - that's what you do eh?  It made me feel like I was doing it right, it would be horrible if I was viewed as unprofessional. So I nudged off track a wee bit. I have failed at pretty much every step I have been told to do. All the systems, because it WOULD make me grow - huh. Well it didn't.

Next thing I know I am tweaking my USP (Unique Selling Position) thinking this is pretty boring and not at all getting my heart in it. Then changing all my profile pictures so they were the same - no one likes a slob. Then creating profiles left right and center on social media sites. Next I am choosing a niche. Then I am driving myself to write "awesome" how to blog posts that always sort came out with the same vibe - the "I don't know, what do you feel?" vibe.

Then a business adviser who's last name was Focking (I kid you not) told me stop writing articles and posts in English and focus on the Danish crowd because that's where I live. And I can (and I think I will in posts to come) go on ...

I am fed up, I needed to go back and start again, with a little more knowledge and a lot more money down the drain.

So here's my new site, that has NONE of the above. And I am totally fine with it. I am back to creating, writing, going with the flow of what sits right with me and you reading. With a big happy birthday to the business

I hope you will join me here, the journey and the small acts of creativity, storytelling and honesty.

<3 Carina

Cheers to Fear: A Powerful Life Lesson Happy Women Can’t Live Without

Guest Post by Elspeth Misiaszek

On January 6, 2011 my business partner called me into his office. He looked me right in the eye and said, “I need to go at this solo.”

Right there on the spot, like I was garbage being thrown to the street, he fired me.

My entire body went completely still. A wave of angst and … absolute calm? … washed over me.

Like a flash, all the years of late nights, hundreds of handshakes, thousands of phone calls, and blisters from long days door-knocking zipped right through me. I felt something I’d never, ever imagined I could feel.

I felt grateful. When I joined the company, it was a start-up corporation. I left my job, started dating this man whom I truly believed in, and gave myself, heart and soul, to his lifelong dream of business ownership.

But there was a problem. He simply wasn’t as smart as my naïve rosy glasses made him out to be. He’d miscalculated how much money he’d need for overhead; there wasn’t a dime left over for my salary.

What should have been my leap of faith into a life of entrepreneurial independence quickly turned into a test of loyalty. I’d resigned from my job and moved in with him, leaving behind my old life. There was nothing to go back to.

After a few years, when we ended our relationship, we agreed that I had accrued sweat-equity in the business equivalent to my unpaid wages. He was able to fire me (he was the majority partner regardless) thanks to my own absolute stupidity; I hadn’t gotten our agreement in writing.

It was his loss, as well, to feel he could go at it solo. I earned the business from 50% to 60% of its gross sales, over $120,000 my third year. I was the face of the company, showing up at every local event possible. All of the biggest residual clients were thanks to my follow-through.

But I was also a fool. Because in the end, there was really only one thing that held me back. A thing that every single one of us lives with. A thing so deep and so dark most of us would rather ignore it than admit it’s there.

In the end, I blame my fear for keeping me by his side. For three years, it blinded me from moving powerfully forward into my own success, even as his personal flaws were amplified by a business spotlight.

But in one sentence, in one swift action, his choice changed it all for me. I was free of him, free of the needy business baby, and free to find what was next for me.

eMarketing Copywriter was born in 2011. I have always been a writer, but, truthfully, I exceled at sales as well. My skill set in small business has allowed me to quadruple my income from year one to year three.

And you know what? I am still humbled every single day to get to do what I love. The message I have for every single woman entrepreneur I meet is a simple one:

Chears to fear

Embrace your fear. Take all of your negative energy, sad days, and bad vibes, and transition them into something positive. If you feel angry at a colleague, turn your anger into a business lesson. When an employee lets you down, switch it over to a reflection on your management style.

Most of all, cry when you need to. Let yourself sob like a child while you acknowledge that it’s only pure, natural fear lurking somewhere deep. After all, the fear might make you pause for a minute, or redden your eyes for the night, but you sure as hell should never, ever let it stop you.

And while it may not be entirely relevant, I’m sure you’ll want a synopsis of how he’s doing since my life moved on. In March of 2011, my COBRA health insurance policy was canceled due to lack of payment on his part.

In 2012, I sued him for back wages … and won. He continued to pay me a decent little court appointed sum every month for over a year. The payments were consistently ‘in the mail’ almost a month late.

When a business colleague called me a few weeks ago, she said she hadn’t seen him in almost three years.  In fact, she didn’t even know what had become of him or his business. Nor, added my powerful, wonderful, amazing executive friend, did she care. I feel exactly the same way.

Too busy to draft your own content? Hire a ghostwriter.

http://www.emarketingcopywriter.comAbout Elspeth Elspeth Misiaszek uses her writing and online marketing skills to help vegan businesses, coaches and entrepreneurs increase sales on their websites and blogs. Email today for a free consultation. Check out Elspeth's website here http://www.emarketingcopywriter.com/

[Day 17] with Sheila Sornsin

  My mission is to raise the consciousness of joyful living and I coach people on living their very best life, so I speak on all aspects of creating more joy in life whether it is through optimal health, financial prosperity, mindfulness, discovering your life purpose and the sense of belonging we feel when we have found our social circle that provides community and whole-heart connection. Knowing what contributes to our joy is one thing, yet what if we turn that around and ask ourselves what rob us of our joy? I know the things that steal my joy and having coached many others, I can tell you some of the top thieves are our relationship, thoughts and feelings about 1) the present moment, 2) expectations and 3) time. This is by no means an exhaustive list, yet if you will give me a moment to explain, you will see it covers many.

Mindful Ground free mindful

The Present Moment - think of a time when you were really present to another person and/or situation and how delicious it felt to soak in the moment with all your senses, it is absolutely magical, isn't it? So why do we so often waste our precious moments rehashing our past mistakes and regrets or sometimes even worse, what we consider to be other people's mistakes and error of their ways? And if we are not looking backwards, we often look to the future with great worry or fear of what may or may not happen. How silly is that? It takes us away from enjoying what is for the anxiety of something that may never come to pass.

This is what makes meditation such a powerful tool. I am not saying it is easy, we all have the 'monkey mind' that jumps from one branch of thought to another thinking it is being helpful in reminding you of all the things you need to do or concern yourself with, yet with consistent practice, meditation can and will quiet the mind and provide you the ability to live in the now.

Expectations - when we have expectations that people should be or act differently than they are or that "things" should be different than they appear. What would happen if we whole-heartedly accepted things exactly as they are? I encourage you to see everything as divinely orchestrated to show, teach and accept life as it is with great gratitude and appreciation. When we trust that the Universe is always conspiring in our favor, it is much easier to accept that everything, even seemingly disappointing things, are really blessings in disguise.

This is where a consistent gratitude practice really makes an impact. The more you can put yourself in the state of acceptance and curiosity, the more open we are to seeing the beauty in it all. Being able to reframe your past situations as perfectly designed because it brought you some other gift you were not expecting in life is the true blessing. And when times seem challenging, you can always look back in these journals and see for a fact, that all eventually turns out beautifully. If it is not beautiful yet, it means there is more to come.

Time - having a scarcity mentality of time and believing you should be somewhere else other than exactly where you are. This one is closely related to the previous two, yet still bears mention because it is so pervasive. I, along with many others, fall trap to thought of how I 'should' be further along than I currently am on a project, a relationship or financial goal. First off, where do these "shoulds" come from? We 'should' according to who or what standard? Evidently, we shouldn't or we would, right? After years of not having enough time in my day to accomplish all I expected of myself, I finally decided to beat a different drum and instead of lamenting over the lack of time I had, I began telling myself a new story and my mantra became: I have all the time in the world and everything happens in divine order.

Now doesn't that feel better? And by the simple act of feeling better throughout my day about what was getting done, I am able to accomplish that much more. If you find yourself with consistent thoughts to the opposite of what you truly desire to create in your life, I highly recommend re-writing your story with affirmations or mantras that create that which you do desire.

So those are some of the top thieves that rob me of my joy in life, now it is your turn.

Namaste.

Sheila Sornsin Mindful Living

Now write a post or grab your journal and write about your reflections, experience and share your story.

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2. Add a comment below with a few words about your post with a link to the blogpost

About Sheila Sornsin

Sheila SornsinSheila is a speaker, writer, coach and owner of The Grateful Goddess. Having manifested the life of her dreams, today she guides others in creating health, wealth, happiness and their true hearts’ desire. Sheila is a contributing author to the bestselling Adventures in Manifesting series and a workshop facilitator at Canyon Ranch Resort and Spa in Tucson, AZ. The mission of The Grateful Goddess is to coach women in realizing their full potential illuminating their inner goddess, so they can live their most joyful, authentic, fulfilling and rewarding life. For more information, go to www.thegratefulgoddess.com.

You can also connect with Sheila at https://www.facebook.com/TheGratefulGoddess

[Day 16] with Caroline Cain

 

Mindful Ground - Mindful Living

As a mom, dad, well human being guilt can often be the predominant emotion pervading your days. Whereas before (before kids, before having your own business etc.) you might have felt more fear, more hesitation, more of a lack of confidence, this generally seems to turn to guilt.

Guilty of not spending enough time with your children, for not being fully present when you are with them. Guilty of not putting more time and effort into your business or job. Guilty of not having the time or space to give your partner a hug, let alone speak about anything other than your business or the kids.

Saying ‘sorry’ seems to be your default throughout the day in this modern way of living where you expect to be all and do all for everyone. It can be so easy to focus on lack, on what we aren’t doing rather than what we ARE doing.

Look up mindfully

‘What are three things that you ARE doing ‘right’’?

 

Now write a post or grab your journal and write about your reflections, experience and share your story.

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About Caroline Cain   Mindful Caroline CainCaroline Cain is a Success Coach for Mum Entrepreneurs looking to create a meaningful career and a fabulous home life. Trained as a Nutritionist, she is also a Lifestyle Mentor, Mother, Girlfriend, Buddhist, Modern day nomad who works internationally with women entrepreneurs. She helps them to create exceptional business success and home life balance, health and a lifestyle that supports them to fulfill their purpose. Caroline lives by the motto that ‘life happens’; flexibility and a fierce commitment to imperfection are vital ingredients for happiness and success.

Twitter: https://twitter.com/CaroCain FB: facebook.com/carolinecainofficialpage

[Day 8] Look up!

  Meditation and mindfulness training are often linked to the image of a person sitting with her eyes closed, focused and alert (and most of the time amazingly gorgeous).

But what if it also included looking up and really noticing what’s right there in front of us. How often do we investigate and take that in? It can be a good practice to see what is going outside of ourselves and how we relate to it. Do we see with an open mind, or see what we think we see.

Look up - meditation and curiosity

There are clearly many reasons why we as adults don’t always look up with curiosity. We are in a hurry, stressed, tired, worried or we've been in the same spot so many times we rely on KNOWING instead of seeing.

One thing a teacher of mine brought up that hit home for me was - remember to be curious. When I look at my children and people that are playful in life they are curious about themselves, life, objects and whatever they stumble upon on their way. I have always admired that ability, since it seemed to fade in my life.

Looking up can be taken very literal - what is in front of you. wall, trees, cue, window etc. You can also take it one step deeper with your partner, children, colleagues. Who is this in front of me? What do they look like today? What are they saying? How does it feel to be here with them? Taking in what we see with curiosity and open eyes.

Look up mindfully

Make it a habit several times today to look up . Up at the sky, rooftops, birds or tree tops. What do you see? Do you see something new? If you are somewhere that feels sort routineish how does it feel to look around and observe. Let your eyes wander around - curious and open.

You can remind yourself by writing a post it or note that says " look up". Or set your a reminder on your phone.

What do you notice?

Now write a post or grab your journal and write about your reflections, experience and share your story.

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[Day 6] - What are you grateful for?

MIndful Living Day 6 - Gratitude We often look at what we aren't good at, what needs to change and how we can improve. Seldom do we shout from the roof tops what we are good at and what we are grateful for in our lives. Somethings might be a given. Other things we may forget to truly enjoy.

Being Mindful is showing up for life as it is, and this includes joy, happiness, celebration and gratitude. Do you remember to enjoy life? Do you allow yourself to celebrate your qualities and successes?

Even in the darkest times of our lives, there is still "good" to be discovered and be grateful for. Acknowledging those times and things in our lives can support of us to remember to enjoy.

When stressed or in a hurry we may not be as sensible to the signals to slow down, but are we in such a hurry we also forget to breathe in the wonderful things in life?

Mindfully grateful

 

I AM GRATEFUL for all of your posts, sharing, insights and openness.

Now write a post or grab your journal and write about your reflections, experience and share your story.

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Recommended reading

Louise Hay - mindful Ground

Gratitude: A Way Of Life

By Louise Hay